What’s your usual response when you desire something?
Chocolate for instance. If you’re me and it’s on hand, you usually eat it if you haven’t had too much of it already. Short, sweet and uncomplicated.
What about the big stuff though, like wanting to be married and just finally finding your person?
It’s interesting to me that we have desires that aren’t fulfilled yet.
Any substantial goal in life usually isn’t realized until much later. First you dream about something you want, then you decide you actually want to make that dream a reality. You then have figure out how you’re going to get there. A plan is formed and things get put into motion. You make decisions and go places – otherwise your dream is just that, a dream and not an attainable goal.
There’s also a certain level of control here. I mean, sure, God is ultimately in control of our lives – and there’s a degree of being able to actually DO something about goals to get a degree, move somewhere, or learn a new skill.
Then there’s the desire to be in a relationship and share true intimacy with someone. This is no small thing. Meshing two lives together is a complicated process and ACTUALLY becoming one with someone is truly an act of God. Waiting for the opportunity to be able to embark on this journey is where it starts getting hard. Waiting means you aren’t in control.
I’ve noticed you will have plenty of opportunities to embark on the journey of oneness with someone who was never meant to be in that role with you. In those moments, you have to weigh what’s more important to you: a fulfilling, lifetime relationship with your mate, or gratifying your desires in the moment.
Oh, and then you have to ask yourself the question, “Why do I want to be married?” and be completely honest with yourself.
For me, it brought me to God’s understanding/design of marriage – which isn’t to be happy.
You are committing to laying down your life for someone else to serve them. It’s a partnership because two are better than one when running after a goal.
It’s also designed to draw us closer to God.
Folks, this means you will be refined.
Let’s put this in perspective.
In the sense of metal-work, refining is a lovely process of heating the metal to crazy high temperatures causing the metal to become liquid. This high heat makes the impurities in the metal rise to the surface whereby they can be skimmed off the top. Then you repeat the process.
The end product is stunning.
In human terms, when you get married, God is going to use your relationship as a place to draw closer to him. The more impurities we have in our lives, the more difficult it is to draw close to God. He uses whatever he can to draw out the impurities so that we can become truly stunning works of art.
Until then, he uses us, but we have so much hurt, pain, and baggage getting in the way that it just hurts his heart to see us suffering that way – kind of like we are limpin along because we have chains around our legs when he designed us to run!
When we finally are, “mature and complete, not lacking anything,” (James 1:4) God can greater put us to use for our actual purpose.
Just like a ring doesn’t start out a ring at its inception. It starts out as a hunk of rock dug out of the ground – dirty and jagged. It has to be pounded out, heated, and shaped into the form of a ring to actually be used as a ring. The impurities have to be melted out first and super heated to actually be pliable enough to be shaped into something beautiful.
True, marriage is only one method God uses to refine us.
Just think though, what if you could get some of the refining out of the way before you get married?
What if you said no to the just “okay” options and work on yourself and character a bit so you can say yes to the best option God has for you?
Yes, we will still go through a ton of refining in marriage – but if you jump start the process, just think how much more that will free God up to launch you into the purpose he has for you?
That looks like not running away from hard stuff and submitting to God when all we want to do is give up.
This is what comes to mind as I sit here desiring for that part of my life to start – marriage. At this moment, I’m tired of being single. I want to be married and have kids. I want to find my life team mate and friend and just be there already.
But I’m not there. I am single, meaning that in this moment in time I am right where I am supposed to be. God doesn’t make mistakes, his timing is perfect and he has good plans for me. I’ve taken matters into my own hands before – I’ve gone down that road and know where it leads and its NOT somewhere I want to go ever again. Ruined in the best way, I will wait for God’s best because his best is better than anything I could ever try to come up with.
I’m also so thankful for single-hood.
God has drawn me into unique circumstances that would not have been possible if I was dating or married. Because I didn’t have anyone to lean on, I leaned on God.
My relationship with God took off and that wouldn’t have happened if I had been dating someone.
I now know the secret to being successful in life – its trusting God and leaning on him for everything.
I know that only God is capable of completing me. There is no “knight in shining armor” coming to “rescue” me other than God.
My husband will let me down. He’s only going to be a human. He won’t be able to read my mind or fulfill all my needs, wants and desires. He won’t always make me happy – in fact I’m sure we’ll have times of great sorrow that we will have to work through.
Marriage terrifies me – its going to be so hard. It’s also going to be so good, in God’s perfect timing. God designed it after all.
So if you’re struggling with being single right now, know you are not alone. Also know that God doesn’t just ask us to wait for nothing. He doesn’t ask us to do anything just for the heck of it – he has a plan and a purpose and its better than you can ever imagine. Ask him what he is doing in and through you during this time – because its never ordinary or second rate.
Treasure and cherish this time of being single – you are never going to get it again. I don’t want to miss out on what God has for me in the here and now dreaming of things that haven’t happened yet – they literally aren’t real and I’m probably envisioning something that won’t even come close to comparing to what God has in store for me.