Behind the Wait

Waiting. Isn’t it interesting how much waiting we do in our lives? If you could have what you wanted in an instant every time, would you do it? I don’t know that I would now that I think about it.

Perhaps it’s the very thing we don’t like to do that makes the realization of desires that much more fulfilling.

When something you want, sometimes achingly so, is withheld from you for a time, you have to wonder why. Why don’t we just get everything we want in an instant? It can’t be that we are just waiting for no good reason.

We act that way though sometimes – throwing an adult sized temper tantrum when we don’t get our way right when we think we should. This is something so good, why are you not giving it to me?!

I think about my life and the things that have been withheld from me for whatever reason, and I have been so incredibly thankful in the end that they weren’t just given to me.

One example that comes to mind is dating. Throughout college I wanted to date SO bad. It was literally like I was invisible though. I wish I was joking. I would chase after these guys, Jesus loving guys at that, and no one even gave me a second glance. It was baffling and disappointing to say the least.

Why are you not giving me something that is so good, that I so badly want?

I’m so glad I didn’t date in college. Looking back at it now, I can see how God was protecting me. He literally hid me from the dating world and I am so thankful. College was such a formative time for me and I desperately needed to make God my number one.

I had a shaky foundation, my worth and identity were a fluid concept and to top it off I had no idea who I actually was.

God did though, the whole time. He knew exactly who I was, where I was going what I needed and when. He withheld the other loves from me so that I only had the one love that would actually satisfy, him. He let me be overlooked and disregarded not because I wasn’t loved or he was being cruel. It was because of his great love for me that he withheld something I wanted SO badly.

If I had been given the open door for dating, without a doubt, it would have undermined everything God was doing in my life at that time. He truly, for the first time, captured my heart in the sweetest, purest way I could have imagined. A strong and true foundation was laid that would then catapult me into an even deeper and more fulfilling relationship with God than I had ever known.

He hid me, saving me for only himself so that I could have something so much better later. I have been able to work on so much of my junk. All that has been worked on now doesn’t need to be worked on in a romantic relationship. I learned how I was finding my worth and identity in humans and then God turned that into finding my identity in him and him alone.

That one thing alone is worth every second I have had to wait for who God wants for my life.

Praise God I have had to wait for his good promises.

Another example I think of is job and calling. I was headlong after a job in psychology. I thought I had it all figured out. After an internship with a group home, I for the first time felt something for a certain population that I discerned was who I was meant to help. The heavens aligned and everything was pointing for me to go into Social Work.

I signed up for my GRE to get my Masters in Social Work my senior year. A few weeks before I was supposed to take my test, I felt like God said he wanted me to back out of the test and not to get my MSW.

Say what?

To top it off, he said he didn’t want me to have any plans whatsoever. I had to have heard that wrong.

It was clear as day though and I stepped out in faith – my senior year I canceled all my plans and embarked on a journey to follow him wherever he led.

It led me to an amazing friendship with who is now the closest friend I have ever had. I’m literally a better person because of her. It also led me to do a discipleship/bible school at my church at the time. Because I was wide open, God used me and was able to point me in the direction of his choosing.

Due to that decision, I had one of the most formative years of my life as God proceeded to heal and capture my heart even more. When the time came for me to actually have a job in the psychology field, something specifically in Social Work even, I quickly saw how much I was NOT made to do that job. I had that job for 3 months only to crash hard because my gentle, compassionate and empathetic heart literally couldn’t live in that world.

Could you imagine if I had gotten my MSW? I would have spent all that time, money, and effort only to discover I was not meant to do that job.

God withheld something from me so he could do an even bigger work in my heart that would under-gird the rest of my life. If I had gone in the direction I thought was best, I would have been a complete and utter mess.

There are reasons he withholds things from us. He doesn’t just send us into waiting for nothing.

The beautiful thing is, he is doing a ton of work while we are waiting. He works on our character and maturity, which in the end will sustain our calling so we don’t crumble under the weight of it.

He establishes his place in our hearts so that we have a solid foundation and anchor for every trial that could ever enter our lives in the future.

In his infinite wisdom, he lets our desires be unmet for a time so that we are forced to turn to God. He shuts every other door so that our only option is him. There, in that place, we realize how much we needed him and how much we weren’t actually getting him. He solidifies identity and fills our hearts with the most fulfilling love we could imagine.

“If we could just work on these few little things for a few years, everything is going to be so much better, so much sweeter. Trust me.”

So here I am, waiting again for another one of God’s promises. There’s an ache in my heart, I’m tired, weary of waiting and at times, extremely impatient.

He reminds me of his sweet purposes in the waiting though and brings to mind those instances that I can clearly see why he had me wait.

Sometimes we just need that little reminder that he is working, really working behind the scenes. There is a reason for the waiting and it. is. so. worth. it. Stop fighting against him and surrender to the process, because it’s a good one.

He always makes good on his promises. It’s like him putting a ring on our finger and saying, I am coming back for what is mine – this is a symbol of my love, commitment and promise and I will make good on what I have promised.

He’s a good God folks.

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